Ever since the Connecticut shootings several people have asked me about play therapy. What exactly is it? Does my kid need to come in? Why do kids do play therapy instead of regular therapy? I want to attempt to answer some of those questions here:
If you think about kids, they can't come to a counselor's office, sit down on the couch, and start talking about feelings. Many adults don't even know what they are feeling and definitely can't figure out why those feelings are making them behave poorly. It takes kids and adults some unique skills to deal with feelings like anger, sadness, and malaise in a positive manner. Most kids don't get this kind of training, so they become adults that can't communicate or work through things in a healthy way.
Play therapy provides kids a chance to act out what is going on inside them through play. Toys, games, and art projects are specifically chosen to allow children to tell me as the therapist what they are feeling. While to the naked eye it may look like parents are paying me to play with their kids, I am actually trained to look for problems and help kids work through them.
Recently I worked with a little boy that lost his mom last year. When he first came in he was pretty average so we started with the game most boys like to start with: army men. For a few weeks we played army men, cards, and read a feeling book for our sessions. After four times of coming in his mom and dad were wondering if play therapy was working. The boy was acting out at home, so I encouraged his parents to give me a few more sessions.
One week I noticed the way he played army men started to change. Instead of his usual aggressive attacking mode with all the men he began to single out one man and lay him down as if he had died. The other men always remained alive and went on about their battle. But the boy kept looking over to the one man to make sure he was ok on the other side of the rug by himself. I gently asked the boy what his concern was for the man down. He said, "Well if we keep having our battle over here but that guy is dead over there, isn't that mean to him?" BINGO.
From that point forward this boy and I were able to work through his feelings about his mother's death. He was afraid to go on about his own life and be happy because he didn't want to be unfair or mean to his mom in heaven. He was working so hard to keep himself together at school and not let his feelings spill out that he was acting out at home. As we did activities to let go of his mom and say goodbye to her (including sailing a boat down Brush Creek) he began to see that it was ok to be happy and go on living his life. His poor behavior at home is now nearly gone (expect for normal boy behavior). :)
I am passionate about this process for kids. I'm not sure there are many things more important than helping children sort through what is going on inside them. EVERY child needs play therapy at some point in their childhood- not just the ones who have been through a trauma. As parents the gift of teaching our kids not just to cope but thrive through difficult feelings is an incredible gift to give them.
My sessions with children are 30 minutes. I then meet with the parents for 20 minutes to explain what I am seeing and make suggestions for home. I believe God gave me the creative ability to tap into what is going on with kids inside, and I am consistently honored when parents allow me to do so with their child.
