Rap to Connect. Word.

People always ask me what they would do in counseling.  I think they picture coming in and sitting on the couch and either staring at each other or sharing their darkest secrets.  While I do quite a bit of "talk" therapy with my clients I also do art, play, and writing therapy.  Basically I am looking for ways to connect with clients and help them heal emotionally.  Not being in a good place emotionally can lead to problems physically, mentally, and spiritually.

I strongly believe that being with people during painful times in their lives is what God designed me to do.  I am willing to think outside the box about connecting with my clients in a way that works for them.  Recently with an adolescent boy I was struggling to connect.  We were doing some of the staring at each other people picture counseling being like.  Finally I asked him what kind of music he likes.  Rap.  Sweet I can rap.  My client looked at me like I was 80 years old.  He didn't think I was capable.  So I challenged him to a rap-off.

Below is the rap I wrote to start the challenge.  Drew was not my client's real name.  We started writing raps about what is going on with him each week.  He is no longer in counseling because he figured out a way to communicate with his parents...rapping.

Drew's Rap

Drew, Drew why you so blue?

Your parents want me to figure it out for you. 

You come to my office with your hoodie on, 

You stay up so late and sleep way past dawn.

You say your only interest is rap, 

That's cool I'm down with that.  

Here's my question for you big Drew

Can you express to me what's going on inside of you?

Is it guilt or sadness or frustration or being mad?

Write me a rap all about it and I'd be so glad.

We can write raps for the rest of our sessions

As long as you give me some sort of expression. 

No more coming in my office and saying nothin' 

Either we can be friends or you can keep on runnin'.

Word. 

Being Kind to Yourself

I've been speaking at various groups lately about the idea of self care.  Are you kind to yourself?  Do you know what being kind to yourself looks like?  When I went to counseling for 2 years several years ago my therapist always told me to be nice to myself.  As nice to myself as I was to others.  What does that even mean?

While I was in counseling I went through the process of defining what self care looks like to ME.  I would encourage you to explore this idea for YOU.  Get away from distractions (kids, home, work, for some noise, etc) and think about a time in your life when you were most happy.  For me that time was working at a backpacking camp in the summers in college.  Ask yourself what were the components of that time?  In my scenario it was being outside, deep relationships with people, faith, intellect, exercise, creativity, and music.  Those are the components that make me happy and come alive.  Maybe your scenario is at the beach or in high school or right after getting married.  Write down your components.

When I start to feel drained I think about which of the above components might be missing for me and start adding them back in to my life weekly.  I am taking care of myself when I am outside at least 30 minutes a day, when I surround myself with interesting, healthy relationships with others, when I go to church or seek spiritual things, when I exercise nearly every day, when I am creative- through writing, a special date with my kids, art, or a project of some sort, when I am reading, and when I either listen to music often or go hear a band play or sing in church.  I have to have these components in my life in order to be a mom, a therapist, daughter, sister, friend, etc.  They are a priority to me.

So feeling drained?  What's missing?  How could you go be kind to yourself right now?  Maybe your components are reading novels, or going out on the town, or cooking, or trying a new restaurant, or sex, or taking bubble baths, or hiking, or going to the lake, or looking at the stars, or building something, or gardening.  Figure out what you need and add it back in to your life! Put it in your calendar and be kind to yourself!