A journey toward a balanced life...
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Being Royal
Something really cool happened in my life last month. Actually two really cool things happened. 1. The Kansas City Royals made it to the World Series, and 2. Someone gave my sons and I World Series tickets for Game 2.
I don't share much about my personal life in counseling sessions for obvious reasons. But one thing most of my clients know is that I love the Kansas City Royals. Born and raised in Kansas City, I grew up pretending to be George Brett, Bret Saberhagen, and Dan Quisenberry from the 1985 World Series Team in my backyard. I wasn't very good (read 3 hits in 5 years) when I attempted softball during my youth, but I spent the summers at the baseball fields cheering for both of my brothers. The Royals haven't been good (read terrible) since the 1985 team. This means my whole life since I was in Kindergarten the Royals haven't given Kansas City much to cheer for. But my parents still took us to games and I still took my sons to games...for 29 long years.
I was looking at Facebook a few years ago with my oldest son and came across some pictures of my St. Louis friends in their Cardinals gear at a playoff game. "Mom that looks fun," my son said "Why doesn't that happen in Kansas City?" I gave him the standard mom answer that maybe it would soon, it wasn't our time, etc., but secretly---I was jealous.
September 30, 2014: The Royals win the Wildcard Game to get into the playoffs in 12 long innings. My sons, at the magical baseball ages of 5 and 7, are thrilled and pick out new Royals jerseys at the store. We start talking a lot about what it means to "Be Royal:" have a good attitude, bless others, be nice, show good sportsmanship, etc.
Early October 2014: The Royals sweep both the LA Angels and the Baltimore Orioles to win the American League Championship. We watch the games with family and friends and have the most fun we've had in years cheering for OUR team. For the first time ever I bought at long sleeve Royals shirt- I've never needed gear in cold weather.
Late October 2014: My mom and dad give my almost 8 year old son the gift that will never be forgotten: a ticket to World Series Game two sitting next to his uncle. My parents would be watching on TV from home. They wanted their son and grandson to go in their place. Talk about a sacrifice!
One day later in October 2014: Someone that wishes to remain anonymous sent me an email saying she would like to give me 2 World Series tickets with no other expectation than I bless someone else down the road. I was so moved by the gesture of kindness that I burst into tears. The tickets were for the same game and in the same section as my brother and older son were sitting. I called my parents to offer the tickets to them since they had so generously given my son his ticket. They said, "Looks like you and your youngest are going to the World Series!"
The experience of taking my sons to a game with my brother was unbelievable. It's truly something that is hard to describe, but that I pray my sons will remember forever. The blessing the angel that gave us the tickets offered me was the chance to see my son's faces and be present with them at a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
If I could, I would very much do my job and not get paid. I consider what I do an honor, and I wish I could not charge my clients for counseling. Unfortunately though I have little mouths to feed and a mortgage to pay without another source of income. :) I have chosen to pay the grand gesture of being given World Series tickets forward by seeing a very worthy client of mine for free in 2015. I'm going to share my "Royal" experience with this client at her next session, and I know she will in turn bless someone else. I am struck how the idea of "Being Royal" could transform our city, just like it did my October. Imagine if we all chose to bless someone in a royal, grand way! "Be Royal KC"
I don't share much about my personal life in counseling sessions for obvious reasons. But one thing most of my clients know is that I love the Kansas City Royals. Born and raised in Kansas City, I grew up pretending to be George Brett, Bret Saberhagen, and Dan Quisenberry from the 1985 World Series Team in my backyard. I wasn't very good (read 3 hits in 5 years) when I attempted softball during my youth, but I spent the summers at the baseball fields cheering for both of my brothers. The Royals haven't been good (read terrible) since the 1985 team. This means my whole life since I was in Kindergarten the Royals haven't given Kansas City much to cheer for. But my parents still took us to games and I still took my sons to games...for 29 long years.
I was looking at Facebook a few years ago with my oldest son and came across some pictures of my St. Louis friends in their Cardinals gear at a playoff game. "Mom that looks fun," my son said "Why doesn't that happen in Kansas City?" I gave him the standard mom answer that maybe it would soon, it wasn't our time, etc., but secretly---I was jealous.
September 30, 2014: The Royals win the Wildcard Game to get into the playoffs in 12 long innings. My sons, at the magical baseball ages of 5 and 7, are thrilled and pick out new Royals jerseys at the store. We start talking a lot about what it means to "Be Royal:" have a good attitude, bless others, be nice, show good sportsmanship, etc.
Early October 2014: The Royals sweep both the LA Angels and the Baltimore Orioles to win the American League Championship. We watch the games with family and friends and have the most fun we've had in years cheering for OUR team. For the first time ever I bought at long sleeve Royals shirt- I've never needed gear in cold weather.
Late October 2014: My mom and dad give my almost 8 year old son the gift that will never be forgotten: a ticket to World Series Game two sitting next to his uncle. My parents would be watching on TV from home. They wanted their son and grandson to go in their place. Talk about a sacrifice!
One day later in October 2014: Someone that wishes to remain anonymous sent me an email saying she would like to give me 2 World Series tickets with no other expectation than I bless someone else down the road. I was so moved by the gesture of kindness that I burst into tears. The tickets were for the same game and in the same section as my brother and older son were sitting. I called my parents to offer the tickets to them since they had so generously given my son his ticket. They said, "Looks like you and your youngest are going to the World Series!"
The experience of taking my sons to a game with my brother was unbelievable. It's truly something that is hard to describe, but that I pray my sons will remember forever. The blessing the angel that gave us the tickets offered me was the chance to see my son's faces and be present with them at a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
If I could, I would very much do my job and not get paid. I consider what I do an honor, and I wish I could not charge my clients for counseling. Unfortunately though I have little mouths to feed and a mortgage to pay without another source of income. :) I have chosen to pay the grand gesture of being given World Series tickets forward by seeing a very worthy client of mine for free in 2015. I'm going to share my "Royal" experience with this client at her next session, and I know she will in turn bless someone else. I am struck how the idea of "Being Royal" could transform our city, just like it did my October. Imagine if we all chose to bless someone in a royal, grand way! "Be Royal KC"
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Co-Parenting For Dummies
My job and my personal life often (if not always) overlap quite a bit. In the past few years I have had to figure out how to co-parent with my ex-husband as well as help others figure out this tricky skill at work. First of all let me say that co-parenting is perhaps the most awkward of roles. Here is another adult you at one point loved but now you probably hate and yet you still have to communicate about how to raise your children. While I am certainly not perfect in this role, here are a few things that have worked for me or that I have seen work well for my clients. It goes without saying that the better you can hone this relationship the better chance your children have at prevailing through a divorce. You don't have to feel like a dummy like I often did in the early years of my divorce.
1. Have a really AWESOME SUITCASE for each child. Just like letting a child pick out their big boy/big girl underwear when you start potty training, let your child pick out their suitcase. At my house right now the suitcases are Angry Birds and Ninja Turtles and they have...WHEELS. When it is time to go to dad's, I lay out the suitcases and tell my boys to fill them with whatever they want to take. They pick stuffed animals and toys and blankets and games. This is also how I make sure to stay organized about getting the proper uniforms, asthma inhalers, school forms, and shoes to my ex-husband. If he needs to see it, it goes in one of the suitcases.
2. USE SCHOOL as the drop-off and pick-up spot whenever possible. Let's face it, seeing your ex every few days just creates more room for conflict. And while I actually get along pretty well with my boys' dad I don't want to have him in my home for a cup of coffee in the afternoons. On the days my kids are with him, he picks them up from school. He also takes them to school in the mornings instead of bringing them back to my house. Because we do it this way, seeing him at soccer games or school events isn't as big of a deal. Even the worst enemies can be nice an hour or two a week.
3. DON'T TALK ABOUT MONEY in person. Money is always a charged topic, and while I promote getting exact wording about money in writing don't use your child's basketball game to remind your ex about the check they owe you for school supplies. Instead send one email a week with any expenses or questions you have. Keeping things at the email level helps you stay in neutral about a sticky topic.
4. HAVE OFF-LIMITS SUBJECTS with your ex. Keep conversations on the kids as much as possible. Don't chat with your ex about your dating life or his family or other topics that may cause controversy.
5. STILL LAUGH. The lighter you can keep this relationship, the better. I realize in the heat of a divorce laughing with your former spouse seems like a ridiculous idea. But as things calm down it's ok to let your ex know something funny your child did or said. Keeping the relationship light helps things not be so tense around your children. They will pick up on tension between parents as well as remember that mom and dad could still laugh sometimes after the divorce.
Still need some fresh ideas or help navigating this relationship? Book an appointment today!
1. Have a really AWESOME SUITCASE for each child. Just like letting a child pick out their big boy/big girl underwear when you start potty training, let your child pick out their suitcase. At my house right now the suitcases are Angry Birds and Ninja Turtles and they have...WHEELS. When it is time to go to dad's, I lay out the suitcases and tell my boys to fill them with whatever they want to take. They pick stuffed animals and toys and blankets and games. This is also how I make sure to stay organized about getting the proper uniforms, asthma inhalers, school forms, and shoes to my ex-husband. If he needs to see it, it goes in one of the suitcases.
2. USE SCHOOL as the drop-off and pick-up spot whenever possible. Let's face it, seeing your ex every few days just creates more room for conflict. And while I actually get along pretty well with my boys' dad I don't want to have him in my home for a cup of coffee in the afternoons. On the days my kids are with him, he picks them up from school. He also takes them to school in the mornings instead of bringing them back to my house. Because we do it this way, seeing him at soccer games or school events isn't as big of a deal. Even the worst enemies can be nice an hour or two a week.
3. DON'T TALK ABOUT MONEY in person. Money is always a charged topic, and while I promote getting exact wording about money in writing don't use your child's basketball game to remind your ex about the check they owe you for school supplies. Instead send one email a week with any expenses or questions you have. Keeping things at the email level helps you stay in neutral about a sticky topic.
4. HAVE OFF-LIMITS SUBJECTS with your ex. Keep conversations on the kids as much as possible. Don't chat with your ex about your dating life or his family or other topics that may cause controversy.
5. STILL LAUGH. The lighter you can keep this relationship, the better. I realize in the heat of a divorce laughing with your former spouse seems like a ridiculous idea. But as things calm down it's ok to let your ex know something funny your child did or said. Keeping the relationship light helps things not be so tense around your children. They will pick up on tension between parents as well as remember that mom and dad could still laugh sometimes after the divorce.
Still need some fresh ideas or help navigating this relationship? Book an appointment today!
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