In my last post I shared a definition of insecurity and a few ways it plays out in my own life. This post is all about triggers. It has been surprising for me that certain things I've never considered trigger my own insecurity. The biggest thing you can do to rid yourself of insecurity is figure out where and how it strikes. It may not be where you think. Many women are insecure about their bodies, some about work/career, some about parenting, some about their marriages, or money, or their clothes, or their kids' activities. Figure out the areas in your life when you start to doubt your worth. Think about the times in your day when a little twinge (or sometimes a big punch) of "yuck" creeps in. Where are you? Who is around? What are you doing? Write these thoughts down.
To be perfectly candid...my number one area of insecurity is mothering. The cycle started when I got pregnant before I was ready. I was going to have a career built first! My marriage was going to be in a better place! I was going to have a diet and exercise plan in place so I would only gain minimal weight while pregnant! And then when my beautiful first born son came...I was going to be the best mom ever! I was going to easily form deep connections with my kids and always have enough energy to meet their needs! Postpartum depression? Not for me! We were going to be the most fun house ever! There wouldn't be chores or tasks weighing me down, no way. Looking back I was setting myself up for an insecure nightmare.
There are two parts of my day when my insecurity strikes: 1. When I am home alone with my boys between about 1-4pm, and 2. Between 9-11pm after my boys go to bed. It is those two times when the "yuck" feelings surface..."I'm not good enough. I'm not patient enough. We should have done something bigger, better, more fun today. I got overwhelmed by tasks instead of playing with my kids again." You know the drill. Maybe your physical locations are the gym. Or the mall. Or out to dinner. Maybe the people you are around include other women, your husband, certain girlfriends, or your parents.
Once I pinpointed my target I was able to start making positive changes. FOR ME, I...
1. Choose my mom friends carefully. I am pretty protective of who my kids and I hang out with and try to choose women who encourage me as a mother rather than those who trigger insecurities.
2. I take breaks from Facebook/technology. Seeing all the fun things other moms are doing with their kids makes me overwhelmed and feel like I am not doing enough with my own. When I can quiet my spirit and make a plan that works for us, we all do better.
3. I work! I love my job. Not working was an insecure trap for me and created more days at home during my yuck hours.
4. I have a list on my fridge reminding me to capitalize on my strengths as a mom.
What do you need to do FOR YOU?
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